When Expectations Fail

I’m linking up with Kate and the gang today at Five Minute Friday.  The one word prompt is Expect.

 

Very little in our life has been what we expected.  But recent events have pressed in and revealed some larger than we could imagine failing expectations.

A year ago:

We expected that Shane would still be a part time teaching elder.

We expected to continue whatever form of relationship with my mother we could have.

Many years ago, when we moved to the Mid-west, we expected to have a great relationship with my in-laws.  In recent years the relationship has deteriorated beyond what we could have ever imagined so many years ago.  It has been coming to a head in recent months.

So basically we’re dealing with 3 deaths at the same time. And it’s taking it’s toll.

And then the “normal” daily stresses.  Coordinating how to get 6 people that all have different places to go at different times can be a challenge, although a good one, it still adds to the craziness of life.  Keeping up with daily chores, traveling with Isaac to Teenpact NC and things like that.

And then there’s the not so normal daily stress.  A few months ago, my dad’s renter in our town stopped paying rent.  There is not a word that describes the nastiness we’ve  found as we’ve begun repair work.   Imagine the most disgusting picture of a poorly kept home and multiply it by 100.  Toilets so soiled we didn’t even try to clean them, Shane wore a carbon mask laced with lavender to remove them.  Four years of pet hair and dust and soil accumulated because this person obviously didn’t know how to use a vacuum cleaner or a bottle of 409.  (BTW, note to self, never, ever rent to animal owners).

Nothing seems to be easy.  We get done dealing with one thing and something else takes it’s place.  I’m tired.  Worn.  Weary.  The  stress of recent events has taken it’s toll.   There are days where I seem to be barely treading water.  There are days when I feel that I’m on the brink of the breaking point.

In the depths of my soul, I know God has a purpose and a plan but there are days I want to run, not walk somewhere far away and never look back.  Then I look at others that have it far worse than me and I scold myself for not being able to handle the small lot of garbage God has allowed in my life.

There are days when I’d be okay to never grace the doors of a church again.

Ultimately, I know that these things are not God’s doing.  I know it’s because we live in a fallen and broken world and my broken dreams are a part of that world.

Ultimately, I know that we will survive these times.  One day, we’ll look back on these things as a distant memory and we’ll be okay.   We’ll even be more okay.

4 Comments

  • GGmandy

    06/10/2017 at 4:57 pm Reply

    A scripture that has meant so much ch to me over the past year and a half…
    I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord ’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord .
    Lamentations 3:19‭-‬26 NIV
    http://bible.com/111/lam.3.19-26.NIV

  • Theresa Boedeker

    06/09/2017 at 4:53 pm Reply

    So sorry you are in the middle of such hard trials. And it is hard to be cheerful. But you are right, God has a plan and one day you will look back with distance and see some lessons learned. Remember, our pain is never wasted with God. Blessings.

  • Laura

    06/09/2017 at 2:52 pm Reply

    Yes, we survive because these troubles are not what defines us, but being members of his family, vessels in which his very Spirit resides. Hoping you find a balm for your sadness today. — Laura (back at you, FMF neighbor)

  • Zoe

    06/09/2017 at 2:44 pm Reply

    Those broken dreams and the broken world we are in can be so hard but thankfully God can use them for good. It can just take some patience until we can see what his purposes are!

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