Reflecting on 23 Years

Shane and I in Hawaii January 2016

Today 23 years ago began as an ordinary day.  I woke and readied myself for church.  A few hours later I took my place beside Shane so we could interpret the worship service that morning for our deaf friends.

After church was anything but ordinary.

It was a day I had longed for most of my life.  A day Shane had prepared for most of his.

A day I would slip a beautiful white satin gown over my head and become Mrs.

As I look back on the past 23 years I cannot help but wonder what he saw in me.  Yes, he’s told me many times and yet I am so undeserving of him. Before we met I was marred and scarred but that didn’t matter to him.  What mattered to him is what I was then.  The potential that he saw in us.

What mattered to me was being married.  Honestly,  I didn’t give much thought to the marriage.  I think, or at least I hope, that I’m not much different than most young women.  Yes, we went through premarital counseling.  Yes, we sent photocopied chapters of…oh what book was it? and made notes in the margins so we could share out thoughts with each other.  (You have to remember this was before cell phones, and email).   No matter, we sent them back and forth in the mail because Shane was in Kansas City and I was in West Tennessee.

In my mind we were going to say “I do” and live happily ever after.  Just like the fairly tales.

But that’s not the way real life marriage works is it? At least not any lasting marriage.  A lasting marriage doesn’t just happen it takes work.  It takes commitment through everything good and everything bad that a couple can face.  In the days since we said “I do” I have been much more intentional about my marriage but I’ve such a long way to go.

Marriage doesn't work like the fairy tales; it takes work Click To Tweet

In the days since we said “I do” I have been much more intentional about my marriage but I’ve such a long way to go. I still focus way to much on myself and what Shane can do for me instead of how I can serve and respect him. I still whine and complain way too much over little things that won’t matter in even 10 minutes, much less a year or 100 years. I still fight submission.  I want to submit.  I really do.  But that old self rears it’s ugly head way more times than I would like.  And the fact is we’ve been in some places that have an unbiblical view of submission.  And that wrong thinking still enters my brain sometimes.

With 23 years behind us there are bound to be struggles.  We have faced things from the outside that we never thought we’d have to face. Among them, two difficult church situations, one more nasty than I could have ever imagined.  A mother that has disowned us, and parents that have made a loving relationship very difficult among the struggles.  I’d like to say they’ve drawn us closer to each other.  The truth is they have, but it doesn’t always feel that way.

I still have enough of the old self in me, even after all these years, to retreat back to my old ways.  The ways of drawing in to myself.  The way of putting up walls, the way of retreating, and the way of fighting for myself even when I know we’re stronger together.

So today, I sit and look back.  I look back on the joy but also the struggles. Maybe that’s weird for someone to do on their anniversary.  But these struggles are what has and is shaping us to be all that he has called us to be as a couple.  These struggles are molding us.  They are a necessary refinement. Necessary for refinement as a couple and as individuals because if they weren’t we wouldn’t be facing them.

I think I can safely say that Shane got more than he bargained for.  But I believe he’s with me in saying, I wouldn’t trade doing life with him for doing life with anyone else.

He is my Superman and I am still more Lois Lane than I care to be.

Happy Anniversary Babe!

Linking up with Anita at Inspire Me Monday .



  • Anita Ojeda

    08/23/2017 at 11:09 am Reply

    Happy Anniversary! I’m with you, marriage is NOT like the fairy tales–it takes hard word on a daily basis and lots of commitment. Congratulations on your journey and may God continue to bless you and use you as a team!

    • Christy

      08/24/2017 at 4:40 pm Reply

      Thanks Anita!

  • John Holton

    08/18/2017 at 2:05 pm Reply

    Happy anniversary!

  • Julie

    08/14/2017 at 4:06 pm Reply

    Happy Anniversary, may God bless you in the years to come!
    Visiting from #InspireMeMondays

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